I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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