how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
