He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
