They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
