I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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