it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
