i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I love having hate sex.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
