I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
