Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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