There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
