you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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