what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
