literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
