I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You can't special order awesome
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
