if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
