Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
