i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my being single is dangerous.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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