oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
