She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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