I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
