I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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