Sry I called you an 8
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
