census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize