So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
