Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
vagina is talking i cant
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
