i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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