the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Randomize
