Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
