addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
