I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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