Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize