Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
50% drunk capacity currently
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
