I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
