you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You were trust falling into bushes
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize