he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
