we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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