Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
