Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
