I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
