2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
