I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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