I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
