just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
