she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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