is your mom at the bar?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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