A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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