oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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