Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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