Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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