Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
