So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
