true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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