i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
what day is it and did you see me today?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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