at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We are two peas in an std pod
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
