I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
