why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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