the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
