I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
