I met the friendliest cop last night
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
