Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
