pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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