moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
