When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
