I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
